Archives for March 2015

I Stopped Praying for Things, and It Strengthened My Faith

26 Mar

Follow me for long enough and you’ll know that I certainly didn’t get my tattoo on a whim. The concept of immeasurably more has been something I talk about pretty constantly.

The phrase comes from Ephesian 3:20 which says “And to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” In our family the phrase has been adopted into something we say whenever things aren’t seemingly going our way. You’ll hear “well, this must just be another immeasurably more thing.” What we mean is that we are so incredibly small in our humanity, that we simply cant even begin to imagine big enough to really ask for God’s very best - so when things aren’t going the way we want, we simply aren’t able to imagine or ask big enough to see the whole picture. We have learned to trust that God’s best will always come through in the end, and it will always be immeasurably more than the things we thought we originally wanted. We’ve seen this truth play out time and time again in our lives in very tangible and memorable ways, so it’s become the truth we come back to time and again when times are hard.

And right now? Times are hard. My husband is still unemployed despite so many seemingly promising leads and opportunities. Unemployment still hasn’t made a single payment to us even though they owe us thousands of dollars at this point. We recently experienced a surprise pregnancy only to endure our 7th miscarriage to date. Its been a stream of situations that seem unfair and disappointing. But it’s in a time like this, clinging to the truth of immeasurably more becomes all the more essential to getting through. Having this truth tattooed permanently across my wrist ensures that I have no choice to remember it daily and meditate on it often. Recently my study of this phrase has lead me to a whole new understanding, and a deepening of my faith. You see, this past month believing in this truth has lead me to practice a new discipline in my prayers: I have stopped praying for the things I want. I know this sounds absolutely bizarre, but let me explain - and you might just come to understand your own faith in a whole new way too.

I haven’t stopped praying this past month, quite the opposite. I find myself in a near constant state of prayer: crying out to God both silently and out loud through my day to day tasks. Rather its the content of these prayers that have so radically changed. It started when my husband began to take promising interviews for possible job opportunities. The natural inclination in a situation like that is to pray desperately for the interview to go well and for it to ultimately end in a restoration of employment. But we are no stranger to this whole situation, and I’ve seen how that can end in the past. We would get our hopes up about a particular position, start to pray constantly for it to materialize, and then when it didn’t go our way we would feel heartbroken and let down - sometimes even resentful that God would seemingly lead us towards and opportunity only to take it away. Yet the more I meditate and studied this concept of immeasurably more, the more a new truth became increasingly clear. If I truly believe He has my best in mind, and I truly believe His best is all too often better than what I can even imagine to ask for? Then praying for specifics is the very antithesis of acting in that truth. When I pray for specifics, I open my heart to potential letdown and bitterness if things don’t go my way, and its too easy to ask for things that turn out to be less than God’s very best.

So what is the alternative? This past month I have spent a lot of time studying that very question and applying the truths it’s brought me to. Instead of praying for any particular job or seemingly ideal solution to our situation, I have begun praying for my heart and mind to be more deeply rooted in His will and His truths. I pray for God to sustain our faith. I pray that His will be done, no matter the specifics. I pray that he adjust my attitude and align my heart closer to His own, that I will be led to seek after His very best and be open to receive whatever He has in store for us. I pray that our testimony be visible to others in this time. I pray that He teach me to recognize and receive all His good and perfect gifts, and that He give me the faith to see even the things that seem like disappointments as His loving act of sparing us from less than his best. I have stopped focusing on the things I think I want, and started focusing on who I know God to be. Rather than asking for specific circumstances, I’m asking for the wisdom to see His truths and the faith to openly accept His timing.

And the results? It’s been incredible - not just in the specifics of how He has been providing for us in this time, but in the deepening of my faith and my relationship with Him. Immeasurably more has become even more true to me, and the truths I’m able to glean from it’s application have only grown. Does this mean I believe that no one should pray for ANY specifics? Not at all. There is no shame in bringing your hearts deepest desires to the Lord in the intimacy of prayer. I’m finding though that it’s a truly faith strengthening discipline to set aside a certain time period, or specific situation , and admit that our human hearts all to often deceive us and the things we want most may ultimately be less than God’s best. By actively choosing to surrender ourselves to His will in such a specific way, we not only deepen our dependence on Him, but we begin to focus more on who God is and less on what He can do for us.

The truth of immeasurably more continues to play out in our life and each and every day right now, and the more I lean into it the more I find myself excited about seeing how God’s best ends up unfolding in our situation. I don’t know what His plan for us is, but I do know who He is, and for right now that’s more than enough - it’s immeasurably more than enough.

*I’ve started creating some Immeasurably More items for sale on my Zazzle, both to help bring some much needed income in for my family but also to spread a little hope and inspiration.

How I Lost 50 Pounds in Only Six Months

by thejoyparade

25 Mar

A year ago I was the heaviest I had been my whole life. At 5’9″ tall, I was 212 pounds and was wearing a women’s size 1x or an extra-extra-large. I was constantly fatigued, my chronic pain issues were becoming more and more inflamed, and I was so frustrated with the way clothes fit that I was beginning to lose any sense of what my personal style really was anymore. As my confidence suffered, so did my marriage, and it was difficult to want to go to social occasions when I knew I was going to face the inevitable parade of trying on 20 uncomfortable and poorly fitting outfit ideas before ultimately settling back into one of the 4 or so comfortable pieces I had relegated to myself almost daily. I was finally unhappy about it enough to be ready for change. In 6 short months I was able to shed 50lbs, bringing me to 162 lbs and a women’s size 8 on top, 10 on the bottom, or a size medium. The transformation has been a dramatic one, with the weight loss visible not just in my body but in my face as well. It changed the entire way I look, but more importantly it changed the way I feel. Not only was I able to lose the weight, but in the past 6 months I have been able to successfully keep it off, fluctuating in a range of only 5-7 lbs through different seasons and changes in activity and diet. Amazingly, none of this weight loss was from working out, as when I was losing this weight I was going through various health issues and wasn’t cleared for physical activity any more strenuous than regular walking or occasional hiking with my boys - so nothing with a caloric burn to really bring about significant weight loss. This means ANYONE can lose weight, even if you’re facing physical handicaps that keep you from strenuous exercise. So how did I do it? Three main components made up my plan.

1. Kick Preservatives to the Curb: Eat Whole Foods Instead

I actually began my dietary changes not to lose weight but to help with various health issues I was experiencing. Rather than count calories, I was intentionally limiting the amount of processed foods and preservatives I allowed into my diet. In fact, I wasn’t tracking calories in much of a meaningful way for most of my weight loss journey. My focus was on eliminating the amount of chemicals making their way into my body. I learned quickly that the battle was best fought once at the grocery store, rather than over and over at home. This meant trying to keep my shopping trips to the outer walls of the grocery store as much as possible, and avoid purchases from the aisles in the middle. We kept tons of easy to snack on produce, especially berries and cuties oranges, to make up for the sugary treats I had become rather addicted to. Salty snack cravings were satisfied with choices like lightly salted almonds, or specially chosen tortilla chips or baked pretzels from a trusted whole foods provider like Trader Joe’s. I had to change the way I looked at what constituted a typical meal, since I wasn’t always able to cook meals from scratch but still didn’t want to fall back on processed convenience food. I actually ate many a lunch that looked almost exactly how I would feed my young kids: a few pieces of a preservative-free lunch meat (like turkey or nitrate-free salami,) a few nibs of cheese, a handful of pretzel crisps, a large carrot, and a selection of fresh fruit. I ate regularly, I never excluded any major food groups, and I never let myself go hungry. And sure, I would occasionally cheat, especially if eating a meal out with friends, but my goals were less about following a perfect program and more about creating a different lifestyle in how we approached food overall.

2. Find Ways to Actively Treat Yourself: Too Much Restriction Leads to Cheating & Quitting

Of all the times I’ve managed to lose weight in the past, the process has been full of starts and restarts, and usually the pounds I lost came back within months - and it would bring some of its friends. This time I wasn’t so much focused on losing weight as on overall health, so I was allowing myself treats more than on any previous diet attempt. As the weight continued to slide off, and all throughout the past 6 months of maintaining my new size, treating myself has remained an important way to KEEP with these healthy changes. I’ve found from experience that the more I try to stick to super restrictive plans that require you to cut out entire food groups or eliminate all sugars or fats, the more Im tempted to cheat;and the more I cheat, the more quickly I convince myself I’m going to fail and quit the diet entirely. By allowing myself treats (like these amazing 100 calorie chocolate bard from Trader Joe’s,) I wouldn’t feel like I was on a diet, and my attention would be less focused on what I “couldn’t” have and more on the incredible changes I was seeing and feeling in my body.

3. MY SECRET WEAPON: Essential Oils Were the Ultimate Game Changer

Now some of you may have read this far and thought to yourselves, “this isn’t really anything new to me - eat healthier and dont worry too hard about it… been there, done that.” For you folks in particular, I’m about to share my secret weapon that changed my health and diet in ways I honestly thought fell under the heading of internet scam or too good to be true. And in the spirit of honesty, when my friend first started telling me about essential oils from Young Living and all they could do for my health, I thought, “Yeah, sure… and Dr. Oz has the magic kale smoothie cure for cancer right?” At the time though, my health was in a pretty nasty way, and after trying so many things that simply weren’t working, I was desperate enough to give it a try. When my starter kit first arrived, I would classify myself as a “hopeful skeptic.” I certainly didn’t expect the oils to live up to the hype, but I was desperately hoping they would help even a little. And man, did those little bottles exceed all of my hopes. Within a month we were successfully using oils to help everything from insomnia to viral infections to chronic pain to acne that had plagued me since my teenage years. It was at this point that I heard about a trio of oils recommended for helping in weight loss. According to the experts, an empty capsule taken each day filled with a mixture of lemon, peppermint, and grapefruit oils could help with weight loss in incredible ways. Peppermint would aid in digestive function, lemon would help detox and balance the system, and grapefruit would drastically curb sugar cravings and help speed metabolism. Since I had already seen such wonderful results with other uses for the oils, I decided to give the oils for weight loss a try - and within 6 months I was 50 lbs lighter. When taking the oils I could feel a noticeable difference in my energy levels, in how quickly I felt full at meals (my portion sizes were dramatically reduced,) in how regular I was, and most noticeably in how much less I craved sugar. At one point I even went off the capsules for 10 days to see if it was just placebo effect, and by the end of the 10 days I was swearing up and down I would never stop taking them again. When a sugar craving hits especially hard (::cough:: PMS much? ::cough::) I put a little grapefruit oil directly on my skin like eau de toilette or diffuse it into the air, and the craving is noticeably eased. Thanks to my amazing mason jar tumbler and glass straw from The Mason Bar Company, I have also been able to add various citrus oils too my water intake each day. Lemon, Grapefruit, and Tangerine have become my favorite oils to drink, and just a few drops make keeping up my water intake super easy and delicious, while also providing the health benefits of the oils themselves.
(*It’s super important to point out that citrus oils should never ever ever be consumed in plastic of any kind, as they can eat at the plastics over time and can pull toxic chemicals from the plastic into your water. Only drink citrus oils from glass or stainless steel products. I cant recommend the glass tumbler and glass straw I’ve shown here highly enough!)
(**It’s even more important to point out that not all essential oils are safe to ingest. In fact MOST essential oils are absolutely NOT. Please research all essential oils before you purchase or ingest. I did a lot of research before decided on oils for my family, and the only brand I can SAFELY recommend for these uses is Young Living, especially because of their Seed to Seal process.)

I’m so grateful for the way these oils have affected my health and my weight loss journey, that I’ve decided to give away a 24 oz tumbler with my favorite mint lid and a glass straw (generously given by our friends at The Mason Bar Company,) as well as a full sized bottle of grapefruit, tangerine, and lemon! Enter using the Rafflecopter widget below. Winner will be selected by Random.org. Contest will close at 12:00am on 4/1. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

When Your Worst Day Goes Viral

by thejoyparade

19 Mar

Click to Read the Post That Sparked It All

Friday, February 27th was one of my worst days. We were already walking one of the hardest seasons of our life, but we had been doing our best to keep our heads up and choose joy regardless. It was then that a trip to the grocery store turned into one of the most difficult experiences of my life so far, and threatened to shake not only myself by my 5 year old son to the core. Shaken and reeling, I took to the one place I could openly speak my mind in a way I simply couldn’t when the incident occurred - my blog, my little corner of internet real estate where I could openly share anything and feel like I had a tiny platform to be heard, maybe even understood. So a sat down for 30 minutes, watching my boys playing out the window behind my screen, and put my feelings into words. It was off the cuff and right from the heart, words going directly from my brain to the page, and I simply pressed “post” and returned to my day, feeling a little relief at letting my go of that burden of words unspoken. Little could I have predicted what would happen next.

In the next 48 hours the post went absolutely viral. In fact, 90% of the TOTAL page hits to my blog in its first month? All of them came from this one post. But it didn’t stop there. A reporter from our state newspaper spoke to me over the phone and penned an article about our experience. Other blogs and websites that run guest content offered to run the piece for us on their own pages. I started “Project Aidan” and the responses only grew. People posted comments, sent private emails, and posted to the #youremyheroaidan hashtag on various social media outlets. Kids mailed us drawings for Aidan’s. People sent letters. A microscope company contacted us to applaud Aidan’s unique love of science and sent us a gift pack to cheer him up. A middle school in another state spent class time making cards and a video to tell Aidan how special he was. Aidan even had a Skype date recently with a producer from the Ellen show about possibly appearing on the program, and now Aidan will be featured on The World Needs More Love Letters where he will receive even more outpourings of love, encouragement, and acceptance. I’ve made connections in the Autism and Hyperlexia communities I never could have dreamed of. I’ve received countless emails from parents saying they cried tears of their own because they’ve been in our shoes, and the post gave them the words they couldn’t find on their own. The response continues to grow and messages keep coming in.

Aidan is still working through a lot in response to the issue. In fact I just this past Monday afternoon had a meeting with his support team at our school, and its clear he’s still grappling with so many issues related to self esteem and how he perceives himself. For Aidan, its difficult to see the difference between different from other kids, and being somehow lesser than other kids. It’s something we work every day to try to address, and Lord knows this situation made it exponentially harder right now. But Aidan is an incredible kid, with so much strength and resilience underneath it all, and every time he reads a message telling him how incredible he is or gets a card in the mail to tape up in his reading fort? I can SEE the response. It’s very real and its incredibly apparent. Every message of acceptance helps outweigh the messages that convince him he’s not good enough, and every note of encouragement helps show him that not everyone shares the opinions he was burdened with that horrible day.

The reality of a post going viral though, is not every response will be positive. There have been emails and comments that for a brief moment make me question it all - mothers of other children on the spectrum chastising me for what they view as exploitation by sharing our story publicly, people telling me I’m oversensitive and should have simply ignored it and moved on, people lamenting bloggers in general and how ridiculous they perceive the entire idea of sharing life online, even people who said the incident seemed too exaggerated to be true and suggested I made the whole thing up for our 15 minutes of internet fame. Any time you have a post that gets as much exposure as this one has, you’re bound to find voices that aren’t encouraging or supportive. It’s been an important set of lessons for me to learn as a new blogger: when and how to let those comments slide, to always ask where I get my value from and who I allow to define me, and how to keep the opinions of other keep me from changing my online voice and the message I use this platform to share. Ultimately I had to decide that if you’ve never experienced people disagreeing with something you’ve written, you might not being saying a whole lot. Criticism comes with the territory, and it’s just a speedbump, not a roadblock.

Im excited to see where this journey leads as this story continues to unfold, but for now I encouraged that God has me exactly where he meant me to be: writing, sharing our stories, and living our life as an open book to be used in ministry to others - nothing to hide, nothing to fear. I appreciate each and every message to the #youremyheroaidan hashtag, every card or drawing or gift we receive, but mostly I appreciate knowing we aren’t alone, and that there are still so many good people in this world ready to encourage the brokenhearted and speak love where its most desperately needed. Day by day its helping us erase the memory of what happened that day, and we’re confident God is using even our worst day for good. And ultimately, thats what it’s all really about.

3 Baby Steps for Starting a Blog

by thejoyparade

18 Mar

Thinking of starting a blog? It can be overwhelming to know where to begin! With so much advice out there on what a blog should be, how it should look, whether or not to monetize, WHEN to monetize… well it can be easy to feel defeated before you even start. And so much of the information out there is either super specific to a certain niche or business model, or it’s exceptionally vague and doesn’t give you the tools to really apply the ideas. I’m a big believer that the best way to reach goals it to break the big picture down into attainable baby steps, and look for benchmarks that have progress that’s quantifiable and can be tracked as you go. So today Im giving you my 3 baby steps for starting a new blog.

Baby Step #1 - Your blog begins and ends with it’s name.

The single most important choice you will make when launching your blog is also the very first - the name. Don’t rush this essential step! It will define every aspect of your brand moving forward. Grab a cup of coffee, a notepad and pen, and sit down in a place that makes you feel inspired, because it’s time to brainstorm. Ask yourself the key questions: What do I want to blog about? Who do I want my readers to be? What am I hoping to say with this blog? As you work through these questions, write down any and all keywords that come into your head. These don’t need to be names or taglines right now, just any word or theme you find yourself drawn to as you work through the broad strokes of what your concept is really about. Once you’ve completed this list, tear it off the pad and set it next to a fresh blank sheet. Work through the words you’ve written and try to create thoughtful name ideas that incorporate these themes. Don’t censor yourself - any idea, no matter how ridiculous, is valid at this stage. You never know what later concepts they may end up birthing. When you feel yourself closing in on a central idea, begin to narrow it down to your top three. When selecting ideas to be in this final trio, now’s a good time to start googling your ideas to see if any other recognizable brands are using your name already. It’s never fun to get all set to launch your brand, only to discover all of the relevant domain names and social media handles have long since been taken. So make sure each itm that makes your top three has been checked for these sorts of issues already. Once you have your top three, your first brainstorming session is done. Don’t choose your winner at this point! Its a good idea to play with all three for at least a few days. Talk to friends and family about them. Run them by people who read blogs in your niche. See what gets traction until a clear winner surfaces. Then pat yourself on the back - because you’ve just completed the most important step!

Baby Step #2 - Own your social real estate.

Once you’ve chosen your name, the next step is crucial. No matter what your current plans for your blog, don’t take another step until you grab up not only the domain name for your blog, but also ALL the relevant social media handles. The most common mistake I see too many bloggers making is to wait until they’ve “made it” before taking this next step, and in too many cases that’s simply too late and the real estate is already occupied by someone else by then. Even if your current plan is to stay small, don’t give up your options before you’ve even launched your site. You simply never know where this blog may lead, and it’s important to own all the social media real estate you may need to keep your brand cohesive down the line. You don’t even have to use them yet, but make sure you plant your flag before they get snatched up from under you. The most important places to grab up a plot for your blog?

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
Pinterest
yourblogname@gmail.com
(Google+ - It’s better safe than sorry to grab this up, but I personally don’t use the platform)

Baby Step #3 - Define your brand visually

Now that you’ve taken care of some of the early logistics, its back to that brainstorming phase. Before a word is typed or photo is posted, your blog needs a beautiful design. The number one factor readers and advertisers take into account before they even consider your content? How your blog looks when they get there. The visual identity of your brand is the main way people determine what your brand is really about, and more importantly how it makes them feel. The best way to tackle this step is to create a Pinterest board. Remember collaging all sorts of cut out magazine pictures and fabric swatches on bulletin boards for inspiration? This is sort of like that, but updated for the digital age. You can even keep this board secret if you’re not ready to share your plans, but keeping it public can also help increase excitement for your brand and get potential readers invested in the behind the scenes process before launch day. Consider if you have a color palette in mind. Pull together images that give you the emotional feeling you want your brand to portray. Decide if you’re looking for sassy or sophisticated, muted or bold. This is where your dreams really start to come into view, so really put some time into your board. If you are hoping to blog for profit, it’s absolutely paramount to invest in a designer. A designer can come at many different price points and levels of investment, but its the single most important investment you can make into establishing a blog that will be taken seriously by readers and advertisers alike. (And if you’re in the market for a designer, can I take two seconds to say that working with Whitney of Heart & Arrow to create my brand was a dream. Cant recommend her enough.) Your branding board will be the jumping off point when you are ready to hire a designer, so make sure you’re pulling together a clear and consistent feel of how you see your design taking shape. To see the branding board I created for The Joy Parade, just look here.

So those are my three baby steps to get you started down the road to launching your very own blog. Whether you’re looking to blog for profit, as a hobby, or somewhere in between, these three important steps will help set you up for success wherever your blog ends up taking you. Stay tuned for regular features giving my insights in tips into launching and maintaining a successful blog. Feel free to tell me in the comments below what blog related topics YOU’D like to see me tackle!

On My Bookshelf: My Top 5 Recommended Reads This Spring

by thejoyparade

12 Mar

I know that reading is becoming more and more of a luxury as I’m balancing raising my family and running my business, but I still try to carve out intentional time for it. It’s no more possible to be a quality author who doesn’t read than it is to be a painter who’s never set foot in a museum or a world class athlete who doesn’t follow their own sport. It’s not about comparison or trying to be “the next so-and-so,” but there is something to be said for soaking up the finished product of those who excel at your chosen craft, to immerse yourself in inspiration and remember just what it is you’ve set out to accomplish. And so my own bookshelf has come to contain more and more acquisitions from women I admire, who have vulnerably poured their very selves onto the pages and offered them up to the general public for open consumption, in what I consider to be the ultimate act of bravery. Today I’m sharing with you my top five recommended reads from women such as this, and I hope they inspire you even a fraction of the way they’ve inspired me.

Click to Purchase

If You Find This Letter: My Journey to Find Purpose Through Hundreds of Letters to Strangers
by Hannah Brencher

I pre-ordered this book almost the day it became available on Amazon. If you have ever heard Hannah Brencher speak, or have read her incredible blog, then you know she is easily one of the most gifted wordsmiths of our generation. Every phrase is not only dripping with incredible wisdom, but it’s so deeply vulnerable and authentic that you can’t help but feel like you’ve known Hannah forever, and you’re immediately invested in her story. This book is her personal memoir, telling an incredible story of how she found purpose by leaving letters to strangers all over New York City, and eventually founded an international organization called The World Needs More Love Letters, bringing people to together to write thousands of letters and cards to those in need of encouragement. The book will inspire you to love deeper, dream bigger, and live with a passion for others in a whole new way.

Click to Purchase

Make it Happen: Surrender Your Fear. Take the Leap. Live On Purpose
by Lara Casey

This is the quintessential read for any woman who has a dream to do something bigger than herself, but simply doesn’t even know where to begin. How do you go from the day to day routine to making huge things happen and dreams come true? Lara helps us learn how to break down goals into achievable steps, let go of our crippling fears, and finally leave the excuses behind as we step into the life we never knew possible. She also markets a corresponding product called Power Sheets that can help you apply what you’ve learned in the book and start converting your dreams into actions.

Click to Purchase

Yes Please
by Amy Poehler

Have you ever watched Amy Poehler on television and thought, “She’s so cool I wish she was my best friend.” Well as silly as it sounds, when you walk away from her book you almost feel like she is. Amy certainly wasn’t messing around when she penned her debut book, as it’s full of personal details, intimate thoughts, and a signature brand of honesty that makes you feel less like you read a book and more like you had a date over coffee..scratch that, over margaritas. You wont be able to see the funny girl quite in the same way, but you’ll definitely love her even more.

Click to Purchase

Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity
by Jen Hatmaker

Although she is far better know for her book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, Interrupted is in many ways far more personal and powerful. In fact, Hatmaker herself even admits within the pages that when fans ask her which one book of hers they should read, it always comes hands down back to this one. Jen has the most unique ability to perfectly walk a tightrope between the sacred and the sarcastic, and in doing so shares powerful truths within layers of laugh out loud wit and real life stories of the messy reality of real life ministry. The book is downright challenging, but never sanctimonious, and it’s near impossible to walk away from it without having your very perspectives of faith and religion shaken and reconstructed from the ground up. It’s so powerful in fact that I never seem able to hold on to a copy for very long, as I’m known to excitedly give them away to others almost as soon as I finish it. I find I could read it every year and consistently glean something new, and Im planning to read it again - as soon as I get my hands on another copy.

Click to Purchase

Restless: Because You Were Made for More
by Jennie Allen

Have you ever hidden your dreams away because somehow you felt that you should always be content and never want more? Ever tried to talk yourself out of feeling that restlessness because you were convinced that following God meant ignoring your own dreams and passions in order to be fully dedicated to His plan? Jennie Allen has eloquently tackled this all too pervasive struggle asking, “What if this feeling wasn’t a bad thing? It could be a longing for more of God and a catalyst to living the life that was designed before the foundations of the earth were laid.” Using the Biblical story of Joseph the Dreamer, Jennie helps guide us through identifying our passions, our giftings, our hopes and dreams, and even our deepest pains,all with the purpose of seeing the bigger picture - how they all weave perfectly together in God’s greater purpose for our life. The book is empowering, and reading it leaves you more aware that you were created with a purpose, and that your passions and dreams are anything but random, but markers pointing the way to your full potential, and ultimately to your greatest callings.

I’m the iPhone Mom in the Food Stamps Line

by thejoyparade

4 Mar

If you follow us on social media you may be aware that in January my husband was officially laid off from his job as a mobile app developer for a start up. It was a pretty crummy situation, since only this last September the same company had given us permission to relocate from our home in the San Francisco Bay Area and begin a whole new life in Salem, Oregon. Because of the nature of my husbands work, he is able to do his job entirely online, so it was no big deal for his company to allow him to work from another state. In fact, a majority of the coworkers on my husbands project lived too far away to commute to the office, being that they all live in India. Such is the nature of the new global economy, so we were thrilled to take advantage of the opportunity to leave the hustle and bustle of Silicon Valley life and live in a quieter, slower, more intentional way here in Salem. What we didn’t expect however was that only months later the company would admit to hitting financial difficulties; difficulties they chose to solve by eliminating an employee salary - OUR salary. Yikes. So now that we relocated from the very place where a majority of these tech jobs exist, now we would be looking for work. Double yikes.

We ever so briefly asked ourselves if we had made a horrible mistake and needed to consider taking interviews back in CA, but we quickly remembered all it took for God to bring us to Oregon, and how he had confirmed to us over and over again that we wanted this life for our kids. Besides: even if we got a decent salary back in the bay, the cost of living had skyrocketed so high that we would never be back on our feet again, and certainly never have a home or a life like we’ve found here in the far more affordable state of Oregon. We recognized that it was more logical to deal with short term struggle here in Oregon, where we at least have a shot at a future, then go back to CA where we may never get out of the cycle of paycheck to paycheck life, if we could even support ourselves at all.

So Bobby went about the business of applying for new work. He even went through multiple interviews with the same company, who eventually brought him onsite to meet the team and even talk to HR… only to send him a form email the next day saying they “couldn’t offer employment at this time.” Resume after resume was going out, and most of the time he only heard crickets in response. The very last paycheck had come at the end of January, and we would do everything in our power to stretch that as long as could. Besides, Bobby had paid into unemployment insurance with every check, so we’d at least have that right?

The letter from unemployment was jarring: your claim has been denied. What? That couldn’t possibly be right. Countless phone calls and entire CD’s worth of hold music later, the mysterious problem was finally uncovered. Turns out the HR representative at Bobby’s last job had made an eentsy weentsy miniscule typo - in his social security number. *head-desk* So all those payments diligently made to unemployment insurance month after month, paycheck after paycheck, ensuring we were properly prepared for an occasion just such as this? Not a one of them was credited to Bobby, but to a magical second social security number that wasn’t even his. More phone calls and even more hold music later, the final word was something along the lines of “yes, you most definitely qualify, but no, we have no idea whatsoever how long it will take for the two states to sort this mess out. We’ll get back to you… eventually.”

So here we are - 2 kids, 1 mortgage, 0 immediate sources of income.

So now it seems the calendar says MARCH along the top, resumes are still going out each and every day, and that paycheck from January is shrinking so that it’s all but vanished at this point. I wont lie - the scariest part is when you realize you cant pay your mortgage anymore. We moved to a whole new state to seek more affordable housing, something well within responsible budgeting guideline suggestions, and yet now that we’re here we feel it slowly slipping away. February is still due, March is now upon us, and who knows when either UI benefits or a new job will finally bring the next check into our mailbox. So I finally put my pride aside and applied for food stamps, because my children need food on the table more than they need my stubborn self reliance.

A Popular Internet Meme

Now I suddenly find myself stepping into the role of an unpopular stereotype: the iPhone mom in the food stamps line. I admit it, Im terrified to answer calls on my shiny gold iPhone when I’m in the social services building or even in the grocery store line. I’ve even gone so far as to turn my wedding ring upside down so only the band is visible, the stone hidden away from view. I know what people may think: “how can you have an iPhone and claim to need food stamps?” “How can you have ANY nice things but then expect the hardworking taxpayers to pay your bills? ” And I get it: it’s hard to think that while you’re working so hard, trying desperately to create a future for your own family, that somebody else expects you to pay for theirs. And yet, here I am - forced to abandon my pride and accept the help that is often less than willingly given, knowing full well how many people may think we don’t deserve it.

The truth? Even people with good jobs who keep to the budget and make the “right” choices with their money can end up in situations they never expected, and sometimes by no fault of their own. In this new economy our story is FAR from unique. Thousands of people who have worked hard, spent money responsibly, and haven’t taken a vacation in years are finding themselves very suddenly and unexpectedly struggling to put food on their table. Gone are the days when we can assume that anyone that’s willing to work hard can make a good life for themselves. It’s no longer as simple as pulling yourself up by your bootstraps or simply altering your budget. My husband had a great job, made smart choices, always put into his retirement responsibly, and we aren’t exactly buying luxury cars or designer bags around here. Most notably my husband and I haven’t actually taken a vacation since our honeymoon - and that was over 6 years ago.

Why am I sharing all this? Why even feel the need to justify our situation? My hope is that by sharing the reality of our own situation, and how difficult it has been to even admit we need government assistance at all, that people would see that these unflattering archetypes we so easily mock represent real people with real stories. From everyone I’ve seen and spoken to in a situation like mine, one thing has been consistent: nobody PLANS to live on government assistance. Trust me when I say you aren’t getting enough to live comfortably, just enough to keep your pantry from running empty. So when you see that mom with a nice purse using her WIC coupons, or you see that man talking on his iPhone at the social services office, try not to judge. For many, needing help is a temporary situation they never expected. Even if they sold their phone or pawned their nice purse, it wouldn’t be enough to fix things anyways. Sometimes, when you’re living on so little and going without so much, it’s those little things you hold on to that help you believe you can get back there someday. They may be remnants of an old life, where the budget more than provided for them. They may be a gift from someone better off, someone who can easily afford to spoil a good friend. And for some, the harsh reality is that they may always be struggling, no matter how hard they work or how much they try. For those people in particular I would pray our hearts would have compassion over judgment, and would recognize than when your whole life is spent in a position of sacrifice, you need to have some small comforts, some little joys to make life worth living.

As far as the Tait family is concerned, I trust that God has a plan for this desert season we find ourselves in. One thing for certain is that when we receive food stamps, or a donation from a friend to help pay the bills, it’s so much easier to directly recognize God’s provision. When we have a good job and collect those paychecks? Then it’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like we earned it ourself, the pride that a sense of ownership and well earned entitlement can bring, and its too easy to forget who our provider really is. When you have no choice to remove yourself and your hard work from the equation, the first thing to go is that pride: the illusion is shattered, and you see each and every cent for what it really is - mana from heaven. We are immensely blessed, and we trust that God will keep providing for our needs in ways we never expect or imagine. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s scary right now - its downright terrifying. But real faith exists only in the presence of real fear. When we’re sure of our next step, its not faith that guides us, but common sense. Faith and fear aren’t mutually exclusive. No, faith and fear live in a beautiful intimacy, totally intertwined until you cant tell where one begins and the other ends.

So for now we focus on living authentically, and being open about wherever God takes us in this story. Perhaps an incredible new job is just on the horizon. Perhaps the lean times will continue and Gods miraculous provision will keep being displayed in unexpected places. I wont pretend I know the plan, in fact I will openly admit I dont have the foggiest idea what it is at this point, but I don’t have to know it to trust it. I know HIM, and I know His promises, and thats enough for now. Every time I look at the tattoo on my wrist I’m reminded of this verse which keeps us moving forward each day in that trust:

“And to Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine according to His power than is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

**UPDATE: BOBBY WILL BE STARTING A NEW JOB ON 4/13! PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS PROVISION!!!!**

More Than A Buzzword

by thejoyparade

2 Mar

If you’re fairly present on social media like I am, you may have noticed some really positive words are trending lately. Words like authentic, and intentional, and vulnerable - they’ve all been reaching their veritable status buzzwords and are now being hashtagged at a fever pitch. It seems fairly evident that people are growing increasingly weary of the constant facade and are tired of being bombarded with picture perfect highlight reels of seemingly perfect lives on social media. So we carve these words into the covers of our journals or buy beautiful hand lettered prints on Etsy, determined to apply their virtues as we embrace the new year.

And for many, thats where it stops.

Because reality is that these are incredibly demanding words. They fly in the face of all that we value as a modern society and demand that we live in a radically countercultural way to everyone and everything around us. And for most of us, thats just simply not what we signed up for.

I mean sure, we like the IDEA of “intentional,” and we want people to SEE us “authentic,” but are we really ready to sign up for turning our entire existence upside down to dedicate ourselves to words that so wholly refute most everything we have built our lives on?

And so countless women across Instagram throw their hair into a strategically messy ponytail, put on their makeup but skip those last steps of eyeliner and gloss, and take 3-4 outtakes before finding the perfect selfie to hashtag #therealme

Moms all over Facebook straighten up their living rooms, leaving a few toys scattered just so, and post a half-truth update about needing to be #authentic about the way their house isn’t actually perfect.

Ugly, gross, embarrassing truth time? I’ve DONE this. For my own personal confession, I present to you Exhibit A in the case against me for my own pseudo-authenticity. Last year I posted this photo to Instagram:

I captioned it, “Authenticity Moment” and went on to talk about how important it was to show our real lives on social media and not be afraid to show our messes. And sure, there are a few dishes in the sink here, and the paper towel roll needs refilling, but seriously? You want to see a REAL authenticity moment? THIS is what my sink actually looks like sometimes:

Y’all. I CANT EVEN. Feel free to call me out for that one, because I *know* I deserve it.

We are selling ourselves short if we really think this is the best we can do. Authenticity is so much more than a buzzword. Being Intentional? Its hard work: taking every thought captive, and making every choice with a real thought to our values and goals. And being vulnerable? Its probably the most intense of them all - baring our flaws in all their glory so that HIS glory can shine through. Its easier said than done, but it certainly doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do them either.

Pseudo-authenticity isn’t helping anyone. Can we all just agree to stop cleaning up our houses for company and then saying “oh sorry for the mess” when they walk in? Can we actively try to look at our social media and consciously reflect our lives in their most authentic state? Can we stop simply lettering these words across our coffee mugs and surrender ourselves to them in a real and radical way? Or maybe for some of us its a simple as promising not to keep offhandedly hash tagging these life altering words until we’re wholly ready to see our lives transformed into something unrecognizable.

I can promise you this, if you dedicate yourself to discovering the height and the depth of words like these: it may not mean suddenly uprooting and moving to another state, or jumping into a new career, or putting your life online for the world to see - that happens to be my story, and yours may look nothing like it - but it WILL be utterly transformative. Life as you know it will change in every facet of your existence, and nothing will ever be the same.