Archives for February 2015

An Open Letter to the Man in Grocery Store

28 Feb

Yesterday was tough day.

It’s the day the every special needs parent dreads in the pit of their being and desperately hopes they never experience. In a world thats come so far in terms of tolerance and acceptance, I had almost begun to believe the comforting naivetés like “people know better now” and “no one thinks that way anymore.”

Yesterday it all came tumbling down and reality came crashing through again.

While exiting the grocery store my boys and I crossed paths with you when you entered to do your shopping. You were wearing your camouflage jacket, proudly displaying patches identifying yourself as a veteran, the very sort of hero that Aidan has begun to emulate all around the backyard on his various “missions.” You made eye contact with Aidan, who was walking in front of my cart happily babbling on about new shoes he had picked out and how the springs in the heels just might even help him jump over a building if he practiced enough. Now Aidan typically responds to direct eye contact from strangers in one of two ways: he is either resistant and defensive, sometimes even verbally demanding that patrons stop looking at him, otherwise he responds quite to the other extreme and establishes an immediate relationship with the person in his head and desperately tries to connect and interact. In this particular occasion, he fell into column B. When asking Aidan about the incident, he told me he wanted to “play soldier with the solider.” This played out in the form of jumping in place into a playful stance of what can only be described as “put em up tiger,” and an accompanying “grrrrrrrr” for good measure.

Now I want to be perfectly clear about something: I don’t for two seconds believe that simply because my child is on the spectrum, that he is entitled to behave any way he pleases in public. For every measure of grace we give, there is an equal measure of teaching and guidance. And ultimately as a parent of ANY child, isn’t that all we can do? It’s entirely unreasonable to assume that any amount of good parenting could keep our children from ever acting out in public. No a good parent is simply one who uses each opportunity as a teaching experiences and is consistent in guiding their children to better choices.

You looked at my son menacingly, then mumbled something at me under your breath while shaking your head in disapproval. “Im sorry,” I tried to say politely with a meager smile, “my son is on the spectrum.” I wasn’t planning to stop there, leaving my statement to waft around as some sort of free pass to continue on with our day. In fact I was angling myself to come down to my sons eye level and ask him to offer you not only an apology, but the greeting he has been well taught to offer any in uniform - “thank you for your service.” But before I could speak another word you stepped in gruffly. “Heh, that’s one thing you could call it.” Your words were seething with disapproval, broadcasting your judgment of my apparent lack of parenting skills and my inability to control my children.

I admit it, I was defensive at this point, seeing my sons face flashing with confusion and anxiety, desperately looking for cues from me on how to interpret a social situation that was simply too complex for his special brain to understand. My tone was less than polite at this point as I snapped back, “Excuse me? Do you even understand what it means to be on the autism spectrum?” I know, I could have shown more grace. I could have kept my patience. Maybe you were having a horrible day. Maybe you struggle with your own special challenges. I could have been kinder, but my words were sharp and pointed.

It was at this point you began to yell, each phrase bringing with it a wave of hot salty tears, each wave tossing me turbulently until I simply couldn’t tell which way was up and it was if my whole being shut down, lifelessly limp in the current. “Of course I know what autism means!But then you should know better than to bring him into stores! It’s your own damn fault for subjecting the people to him! Next time keep the freak at home.”

Did you see my son? Did you see when those final words left your mouth and that last syllable washed over his ears and into his tiny little heart? Did you notice him, rocking by the cart, hitting himself over and over repeating “Im not special. Im dumb. Im not special. Im dumb.” Did you even see? Because in that moment, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces and I simply didn’t have the presence of mind to both minister to my wounded child and simultaneously find words to adequately respond. So I dropped to the floor to bear hug my son and attempt to soothe his restless stimming. You apparently interpreted this as some sort of check in the win column - proof I was the overindulgent parent endlessly catering to the child who wasn’t worthy of participation in mainstream society. You seemed to mentally pat yourself on the back with a little indignant hmph as you turned around and walked away, successfully putting us in our place and winning this battle against these clueless modern parents and their entitled spawn. And as quickly as you had crossed our path, you were gone, disappearing into the jars of pickles and rows of breakfast cereals, probably never to give us another thought.

In hardly more than a moment, you claimed to have examined all of my son and declared him unworthy - unfit for general consumption. You saw all you had needed to see, and you indignantly labeled him as too flawed to be worthy of redemption. You saw only a plague on the upstanding members of this fair society who know how to color properly within the lines, follow instructions, and wait patiently in lines with the others. You decided you knew my son, and you knew his apparent defects clearly outweighed his usefulness, and he belonged out of sight and out of mind where he wouldn’t be a burden on hardworking citizens like yourself.

But sir, you don’t know.

You don’t know that Aidan has the most incredible mind for science. You don’t know that he spends hours exploring ideas like inertia and velocity and how colors are created in the spectrum of light. You don’t know that Aidan passionately poured over books and charts on chemistry for weeks, and ultimately committed most all of the table of elements to perfect memory. You don’t know that he draws charts of the order of the planets, identifies dinosaurs by enormous scientific names, and catalogs nature items in test tubes and jars for future study under his prized microscope.

You don’t know that Aidan has a grasp on logic and engineering that would make even the most adept builders and programmers sit up and take notice. You don’t know that he has already outgrown building legos with the instruction booklets and creates some of the most detailed and perfectly balanced structures and vehicles with whatever pieces he can find on hand. You don’t know that he has already mastered most of the basic concepts of computer programming logic and is hoping to start learning his first programming language this year. You don’t know that Aidan grasps complex math concepts like percentages and fractions and can explain them in ways that even some of his 5 year old peers could start to understand them.

You don’t know that Aidan is one of the coolest 5 year olds on the planet. He has a passionate love for classic rock, placing the anthologies of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, and the Who as some of his most prized playlist possessions. And don’t even get me started on his love for Queen. You don’t know he has an incredible sense of fashion, boasting quite the collection of vintage styled band tees and skinny jeans, and nobody rocks a beanie or a bowtie like this kid does. You don’t know that he used to idolize our old worship pastor, spending countless afternoons strumming on his guitar trying to be just like Mr. Robb someday. You don’t know that he mastered the art of comedic timing and a quick wit, keeping even the most celebrated minds on their toes with the quips this kid comes up with sometimes.

You don’t know that Aidan has the most compassionate heart of any 5 year old I’ve ever known. You don’t know that he sponsors a child in Uganda, ran his own snack stand at our garage sale last summer giving every cent he made to funding education for kids in Kenya, and that he worries deeply about the homeless and the poor. You don’t know that although Aidan often struggles to correctly interpret what others are feeling without more obvious clues, that the moment he senses someone is feeling hurt or lonely or upset? Aidan’s the first kid to run over and ask if they are ok or if there is something he can do. You don’t know that he’s still just a great big teddy bear, not afraid to spend a whole TV show cuddling his baby brother on the couch or offer his mama unsolicited kisses and I love you’s, even in front of his peers.

You don’t know that Aidan’s love for others is limitless and his propensity for offering forgiveness knows no bounds. You don’t know that when I had the worst day in my parenting life and screamed horribly at my son casting in him his room telling him I couldn’t stand to be around him, that when I went to apologize to him later he looked up from his book before I could say a word and said calmly and sweetly “I forgive you mommy, and Im so sorry I called you a jerk when you were being mad.” You don’t know that even though my sweet boy is still deeply wounded by the horrible words you said, that at bedtime prayers last night he chose to pray for YOU, sir. You don’t know he offered up a sweet sincere prayer that God would give the army man a good day tomorrow, and that he could have Jesus in his heart. You don’t know that my 5 year old son with all his challenges and struggles was hero enough to forgive YOU, a man that should have been his hero but instead broke his tiny heart to pieces.

You don’t know my son. You don’t know what the world would be missing if I didn’t choose to keep subjecting people to him as you put it. I have spent all year teaching my son the truth he is valiantly trying to cling to today: that He is made in God’s perfect image. We have taught our son that our big perfect God is simply so giant, so complex, and so beautifully multifaceted, that it takes a picture of each and every man woman and child on this earth to begin to see a reflection of His perfect being. That being made in His image means that without Aidan, we would miss some facet of Gods character, some immutable truth about His being, that somehow Aidan in his beautiful uniqueness has been chosen to perfectly showcase to us all. Aidan has a responsibility to keep being the amazing little guy God created Him to be, and it’s heart wrenching to me that someone like you would miss out on such beautiful truths and the absolute joy he brings every soul that really takes the time to get to know him.

You’ve probably forgotten about us sir, and there’s a good chance you will never see this letter. But we wont soon be able to forget you or your jaded words. I can only pray that God’s grace abounds and that Aidan be reminded how incredibly special and incredible he really is. And judging by his bold choice to pray for you last night, I am encouraged that God is holding my sweet boy safely in the shelter of his arms, and that somehow He will bring him through this stronger and better for it. We will keep reminding him of who he is, and try daily to undo the damage of your careless words. I pray that God will bring people to surround my sweet son and see him for the beautiful hero he is, facing the world each day with such determination in the face of his challenges and such a joy for each day he’s been given. And most of all I pray that your heart be softened, and that you never again have cause to tear down a child the way you did in that store. I’m hoping I can follow my sons incredible example and find forgiveness for you in my heart enough to wish you well, but I admit he is so much stronger and more compassionate than I am right now. If only we could all be a little bit more like Aidan. I hope someday my son is able to see himself for the truly incredible person he really is.

UPDATE: Want to help outweigh some of the nastiness Aidan is dealing with by participating in a good old fashioned viral campaign for good? Check out this post to see how you can participate in Project Aidan and help this little guy get a taste of just how special he really is.

Ultimate 30th Birthday Wishlist

by thejoyparade

16 Feb

It’s officially my birthday week! This Wednesday I am turning the big 3-0. Whoah. I guess I have to finally admit I’m a real grownup now right? (If the mortgage and two kids wasn’t convincing enough…)

If you follow along on The Joy Parade instagram, you may already know that my family is in the middle of a pretty major faith walk right now. This last summer God called our family to leave everything we have known and move to a whole new state, buy a home, and start a very different and much more intentional life. It’s been an amazing journey, one I plan to continue chronicling on the blog. Over the holidays there was a pretty significant twist in the story though, in which the company my husband works for let us know that due to financial constraints they were going to have to make some personnel and salary cutbacks - which is a fancy way of saying “We’re broke, so you’re fired.” So here we are in beautiful Oregon, having successfully left the chaos of the Silicon Valley behind, looking for the exact type of jobs that are most centrally located in… well, the Silicon Valley. God loves the humor in a good irony I think. In the mean time that leaves us with a monthly income of exactly $0 and a beautiful dance between fear and faith as we walk out our Joy Parade in the midst of a whole lotta crazy.

So all of this to say, it’s not the best time to be celebrating a milestone birthday. The original plan was to take our first ever vacation as a couple and return to Mexico, the scene of our honeymoon, and ring in the 30’s with a big old margarita in a swim-up bar. The new plan for turning 30 involves some well loved yoga pants, a cheap bottle of wine, and total control of the remote while I binge on some Netflix. It doesn’t mean a girl can’t indulge in a little fantasy window shopping though, and Pinterest makes this easier than ever in the digital age. (In fact I keep a running “Wishing and Swooning” board on Pinterest. It’s a great way for husbands to know what you have your eye on when a gift occasion comes around.) I have hope that someday our situation will be better, and a belated birthday gift will someday come my way. So I’ve assembled a fantasy wish list of some of the pretty little things that make my mama heart swoon and who knows, maybe someday down the line I’ll be able to pick something from my list and celebrate this new decade in style. A girl can dream right? <3

1 - Raskog Cart | Ikea | $29.99
Isn’t she a beauty? I have boxes of craft supplies and stationary items sitting in boxes and bags in my garage just waiting for some sort of official home in my office. And the color even matches my office perfectly! I’ve seen some amazing uses online for this cart - a bar cart, a craft caddy, a rolling art station for kids: it’s possibilities are endless.

2 - Stitch Fix Gift Certificates | Stitch Fix | $20 and up
I’m a regular Stitch Fix user and I have been beyond thrilled with most of the pieces my stylist has chosen for me. There have been times though that something gorgeous will come in my box and my referral points aren’t enough to pay for it and the budget just says no. It’s never fun sending goodies back when they are “keepers” in your eyes. Stitch Fix gift certificates make a great gift for any gal, whether she’s a regular subscriber or a first time user.

3 - Hunter Rain Boots | ShopBop | $148
Moving from California to Oregon brought one main difference - water falls from the SKY here you guys. Like free water just comes out of nowhere. It’s amazing. Needless to say I’m totally unprepared for this sort of thing. Would you believe I dont own a pair of real rain boots? I bought snow boots when we got here, and since they are waterproof I’ve been using those for now. But in terms of rainboots, Hunter is the gold standard. Aidan has a pair and they have held up to a couple years of all out little boy abuse, and are no worse for the wear. And these gorgeous glossy red ones would be the statement piece of any rainy day ensemble. TOO gorgeous.

4 - Gilded Portable Charger | Nasty Gal | $40.00
This gorgeous portable charge is the size of your average lipstick but contains enough kick to fully recharge an iPhone battery to 100% power. The best part of this particular charger though is that unlike a majority of its competitors, you don’t need to provide a cord. In fact, the cord it comes with is tiny and compact, and has three different plug types so you can charge just about any device you may own. It’s gorgeous AND practical - a total win.

5 -Tory Burch for FitBit Bracelet | ShopBop | $195.00
If this truly is a fantasy wish list, this item simply had to be included. Isn’t it stunning? Take any FitBit armband and convert it into a beautiful piece of statement jewelry, without effecting its functionality. I love the idea of making the athletic device less conspicuous and converting it into part of your ensemble. And it’s Tory Burch - need I say more?

6 - Leather Loop Key Fob | Henri Bendel | $38.00
I’ve been on the lookout for a chic and practical keychain with a sophisticated flair, and this one certainly fits the bill. I adore the classic chocolate and white signature strip of Henri Bendel, and it looks exceptionally beautiful on this leather key chain. Plus I would love the added practicality of being able to slip the loop around my wrist when running a quick errand that doesn’t require dragging my entire purse along.

7 - Madewell Transport Tote | ShopBop | $168
What better gift to celebrate coming into your 30’s than a quality handbag? I mean sure, I love a good deal from Target, but there is something to be said for owning a classic bag that will match almost everything and can last you well past your 30’s and beyond? I’ve been not so secretly swooning over this tote from Madewell for a long time. I’ve actually handled one of these beauties and the leather is simply heavenly. You can even get the bag monogrammed by Madewell for $10, for an extra chic touch.

8 - Cannon 6d with 24-105L | Amazon | $2,399
A full frame camera and an L series lens? Enough said. I love my little 7d and my starter lenses, but Im definitely dreaming of the day I can make the jump to a professional level DSLR. Can’t say it’ll be in the budget anytime soon, but having tested this set up out for myself I can say it’s absolutely worth the investment. If you’re thinking of getting a DSLR to capture your own authentic moments, this one is absolutely my top recommendation. It’s the most affordable of Canon’s full frame offerings, but certainly not lacking in function.

9 - Tortoise Royale Necklace | Charming Charlie | $15.00
I’m always a fan of a great statement necklace. It instantly takes a t-shirt and jeans to a whole new level of style and sophistication. And I have my eye on this affordable little beauty from Charming Charlie right now. Small price tag but BIG style points.

10- L’Eau de Chloe | Nordstrom | $70.00 for 1.7 oz, $90.00 for 3.4 oz
As much as I love my Body Shop coconut or grapefruit body sprays, they lack a certain sophistication that a beautiful bottle of high end fragrance brings. I used to own this fragrance year ago, and its absolutely enchanting: not too overpowering, fresh, bright, and perfect for Spring. A little spritz of a real fragrance completes any ensemble for a woman in her 30’s.

11 - Blogging Essentials Art Print | Jones Design Company | $24.00
I am a regular window shopper at the beautiful Jones Design Company website. So many beautiful pieces! This one would be absolutely on point for my office though, and is pretty perfect for me wouldn’t you say?

12 - Threshold Mirrored Accent Table with Drawer | Target | $79.99
My current bedside table? A cardboard moving box. Yeah… not exactly the chicest decor choice, but what can I say - the price was right! This glamorous little number from Target’s Threshold line would certainly be an upgrade though, and it matches the vision for our new master suite perfectly.

13 - Be Still Cotton Tote Bag | Kristin Schmucker | $28.00
I have been looking for a great cotton tote for some time now, and this one took my breath away. It would be perfect for throwing together a quick trip to the park, grabbing groceries, or taking the boys to the library. As an added bonus Kristin is a beautiful soul who runs her brand with character, so you can always feel great about the purchases made from her website.

(Disclaimer: some of the recommendations above contain affiliate links. This means if you click my links and purchase a recommended product, I may receive a commission from an affiliate. All opinions are entirely my own, and I have not been approached or compensated by any brands to be included in this article.)

Guest Contributor - Anna Filly

by thejoyparade

14 Feb

I am pretty darn excited about our guest poster today. She is one of the most infectiously joyful souls I have ever been blessed to meet. Her smile is downright contagious and she has a beautiful knack for sowing encouragement wherever she goes. I asked Anna to share something from her heart this Valentine’s Day and what she delivered is so chock full of wisdom and insight that I could hardly wait for this post to go live. So without further ado, here’s Anna!

Photo Credit | Moriah Elisabeth Photography

This blog is absolutely stunning - isn’t it? I just love how I’ve been able to watch it come together over these last few months. The colors, the patterns, the vibes- it’s so joyful! Which got me to thinking about the name Stephanie chose for her business: The Joy Parade. How fun is that?!

There’s so much truth it and true joy is welcomed with gates of praise.

One of my favorite stories happens to be tucked between the pages in one of the oldest books of history this world has to offer. It’s a tale that tells of adventure, glory and triumph.

Let me set the scene for you.

Three armies are about to go to war- It’s two against one. Our team- the underdog of it all- is the smallest army let by a man named Jehosophat.

Yep.

His name is Jehosophat.

(Kinda like geez-hes-so -fat)

Anyways.

Back to the battlefield.

Jehoshaphat is about to lead his small army into battle and he’s slightly shaken. The odds are against him and he knows it. But he also knows that the Lord God has called him to fight this battle. So, knowing that, he does something totally crazy by human standards, something that no commander of any army would ever dare to do.

He calls for his praise and worship band and tells them to lead the army to battle. That’s right. These men are unarmed. Some hold instruments instead of weapons, others hold nothing in their hands at all.

He positions the musicians in front, and instructs them to lead the army in praise:

“…Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:

“Give thanks to the Lord,

for his love endures forever.”

“ -2 Chronicles 20:21

The army begins to make it’s way into battle. Being lead -quite literally- by the music. Then, when they arrive to the place that overlooked where the battle was planned to begin, what they saw left them speechless.

The other two armies had turned on themselves and all that was left were the bodies of their enemies- not a single enemy soldier had survived.

Immediately Jehoshaphat led his army to collect the plunder that had been left behind. So much was left that it took three days to collect! The army returned to their town of Jerusalem continuing in songs of praise, abounding in joy and completely overwhelmed by the Lord’s provision.

The reason that story is one of my favorites is because regardless of if Jehoshaphat had won or lost the battle he did something incredible: he lead his fight with songs of praise, proclaiming and glorifying none but God.

He didn’t wonder or worry, or spend hours trying to figure out how he could win- he knew all of that was pointless. In the end it wasn’t about winning or losing. It was about trusting what God had called him to do. Only God could give him the victory, and if God chose to, Jehoshaphat would lead his people to battle in praise, and if God chose to not give Jehoshaphat victory, he would still lead his people to battle in praise.

So much of our joy depends on knowing who God is. Joy only fades when we lose sight of his sovereignty. I mean it. Life isn’t about us, its about proclaiming how good God is in spite of us. We are imperfect creatures stained by sin, and yet we burden ourselves with the idea that our lives have to be a certain way in order for us to be happy.

If you believe that you’re right.

Happiness requires only one set of circumstance to exist. But joy -oh joy- joy requires no specific circumstance because it isn’t based on circumstance. Joy is based on something that never changes- and that’s God himself. Joy takes the pressure of us feeling like we have to “have it all together” or “know all the right answers”. Joy isn’t based on those things, it comes from knowing that we are protected and covered by the arms of Jesus Christ, and he filled our imperfections, he drowns our worries, and he covers our anxieties with his perfect grace and love. Our lives don’t depend on us- they depend on him. Sweet friend, I want to live a life abounding in joy. I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that who I am and what I do far exceeds me. I want to have peace in all circumstances and know my savior.

Joy, is welcomed with gates of praise. So, if you want that to, start today, but praising Jesus for who he says he is- not how you feel- because then, joy will abound in your circumstance because you know whose you are.

xo
AnnaFilly

** If you would like to read the story of Jehosophat for yourself- and you should- check it out here : https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+chronicles+20&version=NIV

5 Quick and Easy Valentines for Procrastinator Moms

by thejoyparade

12 Feb

If you’re anything like me you’re spinning 20 different plates at any given time, and its pretty easy for things to occasionally fall through the cracks. If you’re really like me, then you may have been one of the moms who suddenly realized their child has to bring in 25 valentines the next day only to run out to target and discover the seasonal section now looks like this:

Mom fail. But have no fear fellow procrastinators! I have pulled together 5 super easy valentine ideas that are easily pulled off the night before the class party - and most of them are cuter and cheaper than the pre-made valentines too! As an added bonus ALL of these options are candy free.

1 - Star Wars Glow Stick Valentines

These are actually the valentines that Aidan is bringing to his class this year. As an added bonus, most Target dollar spots are selling containers of bracelet sized glow sticks, so with these adorable free printable these valentines are incredibly low on cost and time, but certainly don’t show it. Boys are girls alike will be thrilled with their glow sticks, and parents and teachers will appreciate the candy free gift.

Get Them Here

2 - Popcorn Bag Valentine

If you can find personal sized bags of kettle corn or even regular pop corn, then you have an easy and adorable option for class valentines! Just add these adorable free printables and voila! If you can’t find individual sized bags, grab a box or two of microwave popcorn and send one packet home with each child for a treat they can pop and share with the whole family.

Get Them Here

3 - Lego Valentines

Now here’s a valentine that the kids will go crazy for! You can either buy some of the pre-bagged mini lego sets you can often find in the checkout lane at Target, go to a lego store (if you are lucky to have one locally) and buy loose pieces from the lego wall in bulk, or you can buy a large starter set from your local big box store and simply divide up the pieces between each valentine. You’re sure to be a big hit with the kids, and you’ll win extra points with food allergy families as well.

Get Them Here

4 - Color My World Valentine

This idea is not only candy free, but it’s absolutely adorable too. Buy a large box of crayons in bulk, a roll of cute tape, and print out these free printables - and you have an adorable DIY Valentine that everyone will be copying next year. Super easy to put together and very low cost per child.

Get Them Here

5 - Apple Sauce Valentine

If you want to give the kids an edible treat but still provide something that isn’t candy? These adorable apple sauce valentines are sweet and healthy - the best of both worlds. If you aren’t a fan of squeeze pouches, you could easily attach these tags to a lunchbox tub of applesauce and a plastic spoon, or even to a fresh delicious apple instead! The link below is an editable PDF, so you can replace “Charlotte” with your own child’s name, or for older kids you can delete the name entirely and let your child practice signing the cards themself.

Get Them Here

Wordless Wednesday: Art in the Afternoon

by thejoyparade

11 Feb

Guest Contributor: Christene Logesky

by thejoyparade

10 Feb

Grace. Oh, this word grace. I always thought I knew what it meant. Grace is the whole message of Jesus and the price He paid! How could I not know what grace means? I look back to one year ago and I see the shift. It was like the Lord grabbed my hand and said, “I want to take you on a journey. This journey may be painful and it may be uncomfortable, but I want to reveal what grace REALLY is.” Sometimes I think if God would actually tell us what He is going to do, we would just run! I think He knew I would run in this case. I would have said, “Never. Not for me. I can’t. I won’t.”

Last year Andrew and I took a huge leap of faith and decided to take a trip to California to train together for our business. We knew this would be crucial for our future and the investment would be more than worth it. It also meant we would have to leave our one year old daughter for an entire week. That alone was a huge leap for me! Our finances were short every month and Andrew had just received news of a pay cut. Though everything seemed to be screaming “no” to us, we knew that this was something we just had to do. We had peace that God would provide and He did (that is for another story though)! While attending the conference, I learned about another conference in Georgia. I also found out the PRICE and immediately thought “absolutely not!” We just took this HUGE leap of faith to get to California and now I am thinking about going to another conference? I remember saying to Andrew, “Earth to reality! Yes we are in California right now, but life is not always paradise. We can’t afford it!” I also remember telling myself, “You don’t even like women! Why would you go to a women’s conference?” Women gatherings have always made me feel uncomfortable and I have never been able to relate to them. I have always been the girl who had a million guy friends and enjoyed football over fashion and beauty. So why would I want to attend this conference?

The day we get home we find out my car was broken down and needed several hundred dollars of repairs. We received Andrew’s first check with the pay cut and life came crashing back down as we walked back in the door from our trip to paradise. My husband persisted that I enroll for the conference. He kept saying, “You should go!” Usually he is the one that is saying, “Heck no sister. We have no money!” This time, faith was rising in him and he believed deeply. So I put Emlyn down for a nap and after his persistence I agreed to go look at the website and figure out the bottom dollar. I remember plopping down on my chair and slamming the mouse down. I was mad. I was angry that I had to feel guilty. How could I spend money on a conference when we needed to fix our car? We need to put food on the table! What will our life look like with a pay cut now? I felt so selfish! And lastly I thought maybe this is my way out of it. Maybe I shouldn’t go because I wont have fun anyways! After all, this is a women’s conference! I remember thinking, “I am awful. Get it together! You need to get over this and go! Lack of money is one thing to worry about but get over being uncomfortable!” My computer started to load and all of the emails started popping up one by one. The last email came up on my screen and paused. It was like time had stopped. I felt like that little notification window was up for 2 minutes straight. My mouth dropped! Why was the founder of the conference messaging me? How did she get my e-mail? I just heard about this conference a few days ago! I hurry to open the email and my eyes immediately swelled with tears! Someone had paid my way to the conference! That’s right. Here I am arguing with God and He says, “No, you should go!”

Fast forward to September and I am in absolute awe! I am at this conference for free, soaking up the Georgia sun and sipping on sweet tea. At this point I realize have traveled to California and Georgia all in the same year and it was all by God’s grace! While I am there, I hear a message from Mary Marantz about the lies we believe about ourselves. I wrote down my lies. The same lies I have told myself since my eighth grade teacher blurted them out to me: “I am dumb, I will be rejected, and no one will listen.” For the first time in my life I started to tell myself the truth. I started to tell myself what GOD said about me instead of that quiet, but nagging voice. It wasn’t but a few months later that I was riding in the car to capture a wedding and I told Andrew, “I think I love to write. Like, I actually would like to start a blog.” I don’t know where it came from. It shocked me even when I said it! I said to Andrew “WHO AM I?” and laughed it off. What shocked me more was his response. “You should do it!” Ok, again I am always an idea machine and he usually gives me the crazy eye roll with a “Here we go again!” and instead I get a, “You should do it!” I started to process this thought more and I realized that because I believed lies about myself……then my mind could never travel farther than these lies. If I thought for a minute about writing anything, my mind would quickly travel to, “You are too dumb! This is not for you!” and then move on. When I focused on the truth, the mental road blocks in the way of my dreams came crashing down. I realized that previously I had always thought my brokenness was my only reality. I thought those roadblocks were as far as I would ever travel. I thought I was living in grace before. I always thought I don’t have to like women or work with women. I don’t have to ever write. I just will stick with this right here and skip the rejection. Can you believe I thought that was grace in my life?

The Lord quickly showed me that instead of muttering my frustrations to Him about women, I needed to realize that the reason they rub me the wrong way is because I know there is grace for their brokenness. I have always had the attitude towards women like, “Suck it up! It is not that big of a deal! Why do you complain so much?” This made me think that I was just not cohesive with other women. Instead, in this moment, I realized that what I was so frustrated with was a lack of understanding His grace in their lives. I KNOW that they don’t HAVE to walk in the lies they believe. I know that they CAN be brave! HE quickly revealed to me: “Chrissy, I want you to write. I want you to make a place that will reveal to women MY grace. I want you to get over yourself and realize that I have revealed something to you FOR MY GLORY and not for you to get angry about. I want you to create a place that will show them WHO I say they really are just like I am doing with you now.” That night we drove home and as I looked up at the stars in awe of this revelation, it came to me -“Gracefully You.” I cried as I looked at the beauty of the sky. How is it that the God who just poured grace on me like a giant waterfall was already calling me to walk out His grace? That night was the first time in my life I believed I was more because of grace.

As I look back over this last year, I realize He had taken me all over the country on a journey. One year ago I was clueless to grace! I didn’t know that grace would set me free from never feeling “enough.” I didn’t realize that my disconnection with women actually stemmed from my own brokenness. I didn’t realize that the things that rub me the wrong way are actually the things that God has given me the grace to do. Not only that, but they are the things He has made me to do! The Gracefully You Project was birthed out of His grace. It is the easiest thing I have ever done because I have allowed grace to FILL me. I no longer apply grace like a Band-Aid but instead I let it be the very thing that overflows from within me.

I encourage you to rest in the fact that Jesus loves you right where you are! He listens to your muttering and complaints…. and He sheds grace. Don’t let the lies you believe hold you back any more. Are you struggling to find purpose in your life? Ask yourself: “What are the lies I believe about myself?” Don’t stop there; find out what God says instead. Find out the truth - that is His grace in your life. He knows who you really are and His grace loves you WHERE you are. More importantly, His grace is so good that it promises not to leave you the way you are. It overflows in you and silences your deepest inner critic. You are worth it. Your dreams are worth it. Go remove those roadblocks and travel further than you ever have because of grace.

Gracefully Yours,

Chrissy Logesky

Christene Logesky is one-half of Andrew and Chrissy Photography. Her and her husband Andrew are full-time youth pastors in Greensburg, PA as well. She is also a mommy, blogger, and public speaker. Her newest venture is The Gracefully You Project. She plans to reach and empower women by sharing women’s stories of honest struggles with “BUT there was grace” moments. She hopes to create a community full of grace for women to come be themselves and to be equipped with bravery to fight for what they were made to do!

Crafting Your Legacy Online

by thejoyparade

9 Feb

Navigating the social media age certainly added a whole new dimension to the way we receive and perceive social stigmas.

Don’t have a Facebook page? You live in the stone age.
You do have a Facebook page? Instagram is now where it’s at, Facebook is passé.
Post a selfie? You have a vanity complex.
Never post any photos of yourself? You need help with your self esteem.

And then of course there is the unwritten commandment leveled at all parents with an internet connection: don’t don’t don’t post too much about your children.

From the thinly veiled flogging of the iPhone mom to overtly calling out such supposed taboos as adopting a photo of your kids as your personal profile picture, the message is clear: your online habits are now the new frontier for outsiders judging your parenting. And thanks to the marvelous connectivity of the internet, strangers with no tangible connection to your family or home life now have the unique ability to reach out and render their critiques with lightning fast speed and virtual anonymity. It’s reminiscent of those classic women’s magazine spreads where unknowing pedestrians found themselves featured on the glossy pages with a black bar of shame plastered over their faces and the enormous “DONT” label calling out their crimes.

I’ve often found myself on the receiving end of some of the haplessly lobbed verbal grenades.
“I’ll bet your kids are so sick of having their pictures taken, right?”
“Put the camera down or you’ll miss their whole childhood!”
“How do you find so much time to post online? Aren’t you supposed to be watching your kids?”
“People who post so many updates about their kids online are just embarrassed they don’t have their own life or their own identity outside their kids anymore.”
“Posting a ton on social media is just pure narcism.”
Some are unintentionally pointed or mistakenly worded in haste, others are overt criticisms or outright mean spirited, but all of them hurt, and all of them have had the potential to alter my internet presence and change the way I express myself online.

Maybe it’s because I’m nearing my 30’s, or maybe it’s just God working a new growth in my character, but I’m learning to make a new peace with the naysayers and givers of unsolicited advice. I’m cultivating an understanding that every phrase and image I post online accumulates into my personal autobiography, and I would never allow anyone else to write that story for me. Every time I edit my online voice to serve the critiques of another, I essentially drop my folio into their lap and ask them to take their red pen to my life’s work. I would never surrender the power over to someone else to choose my next haircut or restyle my wardrobe, so why would I allow them to craft my online persona?

The internet is a powerful medium, and with every post we shape our legacy - images and strings of characters coming together to craft a story of us.

Photos of morning cheerios and gap toothed smiles.

Stories of potty training snafus and the little victories in the everyday.

Journals of travels and new experiences.

Testimonies of Gods provision in the unexpected.

Quotes from when the kids really did say the darndest things.

Status Updates chronicling the first date, the first home, the first steps.

If you post what you love and share the things that are meaningful, there simply isn’t any way to be wrong. Don’t give an editors pen to anyone you wouldn’t trust with your life’s work. So go ahead and share another story about that hilarious thing your preschooler just said, and don’t be ashamed to post the umpteenth photo of your baby’s newly tooth endowed grin. Its your story, and only you get to decide whats in it.

How to Stitch Fix Like a Pro

by thejoyparade

5 Feb

If you haven’t yet heard of Stitch Fix let me be the first to tell you that this subscription box service is completely changing the face of shopping for women everywhere. Imagine items handpicked especially for you by a personal stylist, sent directly to your home for you to try on in your own time and with your own wardrobe, and whatever you don’t like you simply drop into a prepaid shipping bag and send right back. Now imagine the service itself is essentially free, because although they charge a $20 “styling fee” the fee is always applied to whatever you purchase from your box, so it ultimately costs you nothing. That my friends is EXACTLY what Stitch Fix provides.

As a mom with two little boys Stitch Fix has been one of the best things that ever happened to me, because it meant finally doing away with my least favorite aspect of shopping - dragging two little boys into a crowded dressing room with me while I cram myself in and out of ill fitting pants under unflattering florescent lighting while listening to them fight over my iPhone. Now I excitedly open my Stitch Fix packages in my own timing (aka: when no kids are around,) I can sip on a “mommy beverage” of choice, and effortlessly try pieces on in my own bedroom. I can even try putting them into outfits with items from my existing wardrobe to see how easily I could integrate the new pieces. No more digging through racks trying to narrow it down to styles I like, no more wonky mirrors or yucky lighting, and no more rushing to beat a toddler meltdown. Shopping became luxurious again, and its been heavenly.

Let’s take a peek into my most recent fix to see what the service is really like.

For starters, every package comes beautifully branded and designed, which definitely adds to the overall experience of being spoiled.

Inside the box are your 5 hand chosen items, the return bag, a personalized note from your stylist, an invoice listing out each items price breakdown, and an example card for each of the pieces showing 2 ways it could potentially by styled

Open up the tissue to reveal the items your stylist has chosen!

I made a challenge to myself that I would try on every single piece my stylist sends, even if Im not a fan at first look. And let me say: that challenge has paid off. Sometimes my stylist seems to know whats going to fit my shape even better than I do. Plus it can be fun to try something new and step out of a fashion rut - you might surprise yourself!

Here are the items I received this fix. All 5 were definitely “keepers” for me.

So now that we have seen the ins and outs of Stitch Fix, lets get down to the juicy stuff - how to get the MOST out of this service. I’ve boiled it down to my top 4 tips.

1) Your most important tool is your Pinterest board - hands down.

When filling out your style profile during your Stitch Fix sign up, they give you the option to link to a single Pinterest board. This board is hands down the most important key to getting the most out of your fix. Make sure that this board is dedicated only to styles you would want your stylist to consider when putting together your fix. It can even be helpful to create a separate board you use solely for tracking styles you are most interested in for your current fix, especially if you like to pin a variety of fashion related photos just for fun. Keep your board up to date, deleting things you are no longer interested in or have already purchased something similar to and aren’t looking to receive in your shipment. Most importantly, don’t overlook the caption on your pins. Use that space to point out the specific why’s and how’s of what you’re pinning. A great example would be to say “I love the print and the style of this blouse, maybe not with that type of collar though.” Or you could say “I have pants just like these already, so a jacket like that would be perfect in my next fix!”
(You can see my board here: https://www.pinterest.com/thejoyparade/lookbook/)

2) Find a stylist who gets you, and then request to STAY with them.

Whenever I hear someone say they haven’t been happy with their fix my advice is always the same: change stylists. Between every fix you have a chance to write a note to your stylist to give them extra info for that particular fix. Type *NEW STYLIST PLEASE* as the very first line in this box and you are guaranteed to have your account passed to a new stylist. Don’t worry about hurting feelings, this is a job, and the stylists at stitch fix are not in any way offended if you move to someone new. The service employs so many stylists with so many different tastes and preferences, so its essential you find a stylish you feel like really understand your personal style and can accurately reflect them in your fixes. When you find someone you mesh with, go back to that note to stylist feature and write *SAME STYLIST PLEASE* at the beginning of your request. The longer you stay with a stylist you love, the more they understand your style and can expertly pick your pieces.

3) Find out what others are getting in their fixes, and request items that catch your eye.

This is a tricky one. Please note that just because you request a specific item doesn’t actually guarantee they will have that item in your size when it comes time to style your fix. So always be flexible when making requests. That being said, you absolutely can request to receive specific items in your fix, and even if they don’t have the particular item on hand it can really help your stylist to figure out what sort of items appeal to you most. The BEST way to see what other fixers are getting is to head on over to Instagram and scroll through #stitchfix. If you see an item you love and the poster hasn’t said what it was called, don’t hesitate to comment on the picture with a simple request for details. A great example would be “Hey, that skirt is so gorgeous! Can you let me know what its called so I can request it in my next fix? Thanks!” I’ve employed this method many a time and fellow fixers have always been great about letting me know. You can also search on Pinterest for “Stitch Fix” or queries like “Stitch Fix Top,” “Stitch Fix Review,” or “Stitch Fix Spring.” Just know that with Pinterest its a lot harder to ensure the items you are being shown are current, so you may end up falling in love with items from a previous season. Instagram is a better way to see the most current items available. If you do find an item you’d like to request, include it in the note to stylist feature we discussed earlier. You can also search for the item on Pinterest and add it to your Stitch Fix board if its on there.

4) Don’t worry about being polite, your stylist would prefer you be SPECIFIC.

This is absolutely the number one mistake people make with their stitch fix. There is limited space for writing both your feedback on your checkout survey and your notes to your stylist each fix. Utilize this space wisely ladies. Don’t worry about your grammar, your tone, or pleasantries. If you want your stylist to really nail your fix, you have to be as specific as possible. This is most important in your checkout surveys. When you don’t like a piece, be extremely specific as to why. Did it fit horribly on your hips? Was it a total oddball choice for your style? Did the fabric choice remind you of a clearance rack at a dress barn? Don’t hold back. Your stylist can take it: I promise. This is their job, and they WANT to get your style figured out, so don’t ever withhold valuable information in the name of being polite.

So that’s it folks: all the tricks, tips, and tools you need to Stitch Fix like a pro.

Leave a comment below letting me know if you’ve tried Stitch Fix, if you have any insider tips of your own, or if any of my advice has helped you get the most out of your future fixes. One lucky commenter will be randomly selected on February 12th to receive Joy Pack of items hand picked by yours truly that are sure to brighten your day.

Wordless Wednesday: Brothers Are Friends for Life

by thejoyparade

4 Feb

Every Wednesday on the blog will be “Wordless Wednesday,” a blogging community concept in which photos are the primary focus rather than words. Each week there will be a theme, and a series of photographs will be presented in lieu of a traditional blog entry. This week’s theme is taken from an Instagram hashtag I started soon after Jack was born: #brothersarefriendsforlife. It’s been wonderful for me to be able to scroll through the feed and watch my boys relationship grow and develop in front of my eyes. Today I’m sharing a selection of these captures with you here. These are in order as they were taken, so you can see how their relationship evolved. (Some of the earliest ones here were quick cell phone captures, so bear with me on the photo quality. I simply couldn’t help but include them, since the quality of their connection shines so much brighter than the quality of the image)

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